Henry the Librarian has the aforementioned rare genetic disease which causes him to occasionally be jolted through time. He’s largely confined to his own lifetime, so there are no battles with rampant Assyrians and no lasers. Clare is a young lady who since childhood has been visited by a strange man who claims to come from the future. I’m sure you’re seeing where this is going.

At its heart TTW is story of love and separation; what it means to be pulled from the one you love against your will; what it means to love and most of all, what it means to wait. The novel is initially disconcerting as the chapters jump through time as randomly as Henry does, focusing on moments Kate and Henry’s life together in no particular order. This continues for two thirds of the novel forcing the reader to experience the protagonist’s love life in as disjointed a fashion as they did. Pretty clever, huh?

There did come a point where I was acquainted with the characters and their situations and diligently sat around waiting for something to happen. This sad state of affairs continued for a chapter or two, before the novel kicks into overdrive. The final third of the book is ushered in with a phone call from the future and hops from set-piece to set-piece with some truly shocking scenes leading up to a satisfying dénouement (good word, huh?)

If I was a time-traveling, hard drinking librarian I’d sure try to do a lot more interesting things with the nature of the space-time continuum than Henry does, but the space-time continuum is not what this novel is about. It’s about love and loss and longing, about being separated from the one you love. TTW certainly delivers in that regard.

PG-Warning – Some of the sex scenes are kind of rough. I don’t know how rough because I skipped them. Just thought you’d like to know.

The Time Traveler’s Wife is Number 24 on the Exclusive Books 101 Books to Read Before You Die List.

A short side note on what I like and what I don’t like about time travel. This is very science-fiction-y; skip it if you’re not into that stuff.

1)      My preference is for a “solid all the way through” universe, where it is impossible to change anything. Anything you do in the past will end up having been there all the time. That’s why it’s called the past. This view fits my basically fatalistic world-view; nothing you do can affect anything or and no-one’s grandfather gets killed. 

2)      Second best is a many universes approach where each journey in time creates a new universe where events. The future you came from is either a) utterly obliterated or b) unaffected; existing alongside the current time line

TTW adopt with the first approach. For this I am grateful. I’m grateful because these are the only two postulates that make sense. The only two. Anything else is wrong. There are a myriad of paradoxes and inconsistencies that occur if anything else is possible. I’m looking at you Heroes. And Back to the Future. And Meet the Robinsons. And The Sarah Connor Chronicles.

Hugh is searching for the aforementioned tree of life either because his wife is dying or because the Queen of Spain told him to. Both of these are played by the lovely Rachel Weisz. I’ve just got around to watching Constantine and then re-watching the Mummy II (it was on TV- a moment of weakness – forgive me!) and by her mere presence Miss Weisz makes things better. In fact the film’s strongest quality is that it is just so beautiful to look at. Quite apart from the actors themselves, the film is visually breathtaking. The effects and the locations were enough to get me to hit the freeze-frame button on more than one occasion. The soundtrack is hauntingly beautiful (as much of a cliché as that is) and worth listening to even apart from the film. In fact, the only real problem for me was that I had no idea what was going on. I’ve heard it said that this is not a movie that you can ‘get’, that it should be taken as something ‘more abstract’. To me that sounds like the pompous posturing of someone who had no idea what he just saw and was embarrassed to admit it.

The Fountain was a visually arresting, but ultimately unsatisfying film that left confused and a little exasperated. But it had Rachel Weisz in it so I might watch it again.

Sidebar – Director Darren Aronofsky is married to Rachel Weisz.         

In light of the Democratic Alliance’s new logo I was left wondering: If a political party can’t create an original logo, how can we expect them to do anything original? 

The DA marketing department must be patting themselves on the back for this one

But it is not the ideal.

I can’t help but think that we lose part of what it means to be joined to another when we insist on arming love against itself, in ensuring a separation of what is essentially one.

Should we then not empower women, leaving them to the mercy of man? We can’t, because we must protect them, but it is not good. Never idealise this separation, never seek it where it is possible for love to join two as one. Don’t push women away from men and then act as if this was The Plan all along.

A Biblical Bit

Mark 10

5 “It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law,” (speaking about divorce) Jesus replied.
6 “But at the beginning of creation God `made them male and female.’
7 `For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,
8 and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one.
9 Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”

But even without all the blatant idiocy from Republican supporters, I think I still would have had to be firmly in Obama’s camp. I found the clearest expression of why in an article in the Sunday Times. “Obama doesn’t have a dream,” it said, “Obama is the dream.” Obama is what every progressive thinking individual holds up as the standard we should all be striving to achieve. He is a child of the global village, a child of a multi-racial family, growing up in foreign countries, a tolerant and eloquent intellectual, focussed on youth and technology and the future. He is everything that liberals say is good and right. It seems the youth of an entire planet have vicariously claimed his victory as their own. I place myself in that group, seeing in him something of what I aspire to be. In truth though, Obama is a human being and not an exemplar of Post-post-modern values. This simple, self-evident fact, may be a bitter pill for those young idealists to swallow.

Troy is fantasy without the magic. Kings and soldiers battle one another in a time of heroes. There’s a healthy dose of political intrigue, a dash of humour and a dollop of romance. The characters are no mere one-dimensional cut-outs, but are nicely rounded, each with their own desires and demons. The action clips along at a decent pace and the reading is easy and engaging.  Lovers of swords-and-sandals epics will be well pleased and for the rest Troy remains an entertaining and straight-forward fantasy-style fiction set against the back-drop of an all-encompassing and devasting  war in Ancient Greece.  

Note: Troy does contain episodes of rape and references to lesbianism. You’re just going to have trust me when I say that it’s not bad at all.

While enjoying all that Stellenbosch night life has to offer, I met a most charming, young lady. We found we had much in common and that we connected on many levels. We exchanged numbers and planned to meet again. However, upon further investigation I discovered that she was not quite as old as I assumed she was. My question is this: What are the socially accepted parameters regarding age?

Dear Hartbeat

I’m from a small town in the Eastern Cape. Last week I a wonderful girl from Cape Town. Unfortunately, this is my final year studying in Stellenbosch and I am scared that the lack of time spent close to each other will mean the failure of this relationship. We have made a commitment to phone each other every day to chat about what’s been going on in our lives. I really think I can make it work, because we really like each other.

What do you think? I really hope you can help me with my problem.

From Lovelorn and Long-distance

Dear Lovehorn,

The solution to your problem is summed up succinctly in the following principle:

Long distance is the wrong distance

 That is quite simply all you need to know. It’s very important that you remain close to your paramour and it’s not just so that you can keep an eye on her and ensure she isn’t hooking up with other guys on the side. There is something vitally important being in close physical proximity to one another during the start of a relationship. While you might possibly get away with a long distance relationship if you have already been going out for some time, it is an absolute no-no for a relationship like yours which, judging from your sickeningly sweet demeanour is embryonic at best.    

You see, it doesn’t matter how much you like each other, an important part of any relationship is observing your intended partner in a number of different situations, with her friends, with your friends, with family, in a plane, in a train, in the park or in the dark. A relationship is more than a mere one on one conversation; it is an integration two lives to see whether there is enough compatibility to consider a lifetime together. Also, you want to stay close to see that she doesn’t get fat.

Happy Commuting

Hartbeat

Dear Hartbeat

I have a friend who I have known for a while now.  We’re not exceptionally close, but we do spend a fair amount of time together. The trouble is I recently met his sister who is, shall we say, not completely unattractive.  I would like to get to know this girl better, but am concerned that it would damage the friendship. What should I do? 

From A “Friend” of the Family

Dear Friend

The family issue is a difficult one.  Friends are protective of their little sisters for all sorts of reasons, but the main is reason is that they know how much of a chop you are. That being said, the official rule is:

There is an eighth month grace period within which you are allowed to pursue your friend’s sister

Experts are divided on whether the grace period begins to run from moment you become friends or the moment you become aware he has a sister. The more acceptable view is that the clock begins ticking as soon as your friendship begins. This means that if you have a sister and you managed to keep her hidden for eight months, she would be perpetually off limits.

Having said that, there is always a clause attached to each of these rules: “If she’s hot enough it doesn’t matter” Rephrased in a more politically correct manner: Love is hard to find and if you think there’s a possibility for a serious relationship you should go for it. As long as she’s hot enough.

Happy Family Bonding

Hartbeat

Dear Hartbeat,

While enjoying all that Stellenbosch night life has to offer, I met a most charming, young lady. We found we had much in common and that we connected on many levels. We exchanged numbers and planned to meet again. However, upon further investigation I discovered that she was not quite as old as I assumed she was. My question is this: What are the socially accepted parameters regarding age?

From A More Mature Individual

Dear Mature,

While age is nothing but a number, it can sometimes be an important number. The greater the age difference, the fewer the shared experiences and the harder it is to establish common ground. While matters of the heart cannot be reduced to facts and figures there is a helpful guideline that will aid you in determining whether a difference in age is just too much to overcome.

“The acceptable minimum age for a girlfriend is half your age plus 6, rounded up”

Colloquially this is known as the “Half-past Six Rule”. There are a number of things to take note of when discussing the Half-Past Six Rule. The first is that the number given by the formula is a minimum and not an optimum age. When the rule says that a 22 year-old may happily date a 17 year-old what it is really saying is that should you date someone below 17 years of age, your friends will be well within their rights to pass comments or even stage an intervention (depending on how attractive the girl is). Secondly, the rule has an effective range which only begins at 12.

The long and short of the matter is that love can cross all boundaries, including age. While it is often easier to form a connection with someone closer to your age, once love has been found it is important not to dismiss it simply because of a difference in how long you’ve been around on Earth. As long as she falls within the Half-past Six Rule.

Happy Cradle-Snatching,

Heartbeat

Dear Hearbeat,

I met a beautiful girl at the sokkie on Wednesday night. While I didn’t get round to obtaining her number, I did get a first name:  Jenny*. With that I was able to search through all the Jenny’s and Jennifer’s on Facebook (using Stellenbosch and Kurt Darren as parameters to narrow the search). Since her profile is an open one I was able to take a good look at her likes and dislikes, her taste in music and movies and to see what her friends look like. The problem is: How do I re-establish contact with this girl without appearing to be an obsessive Facebook Stalker?

From Hopelessly Searching

Dear Hopeless,

The major issue you have here is that you are a Facebook Stalker. Normal people work up the courage to actually ask the girl for her number or at least get a last name. However, with the ease at which one can be tracked down on the internet through various social networking sites, it has become an attractive option for those lacking bravery or suffering from paralysing social disorders to meet more people. As such a new set of social protocols will have to be developed for communication on a more electronic level. Establishing contact with someone who, for all intents and purposes, you have no right to contact is the first and thorniest of issues that must be approached. While I normally advocate complete honesty in all aspects of relationships, in your case I advise lying. Send her a friendship request and if pushed to explain how you came across upon her profile, just say that she gave you her full name while you two were sokkieing. Unless she was so repulsed by you that she made a conscious decision not to give you her name, she probably won’t remember the details of the evening. If she did make said conscious decision then you have bigger problems than looking like a Stalker. If she accepts send her a pleasant message inviting her to the next sokkie. From there you can work on building a real relationship in the real world with real people.

Happy Facebooking

Heartbeat

*Not actual first name

If anyone has any relationship advice they need dispensed, feel free to ask me, I’m pretty good.