The 22nd year of being Ryan Hartley, documented.

Right now, all across America, a special time is drawing near. As the final precious days of summer draw to a close wholesome young teenagers from every corner of that great nation are returning from the various farms on which they spent long summer days bailing hay and rustling cattle in the Great Mid-West. From sea to shining sea the younger generation are turning their backs on days spent surfing and bronzing their youthful bodies. The teenagers of the United States are putting an end to their horse-riding, their bull-fighting, and their seal-clubbing, bear-baiting, dog-fighting and cat-calling. The American Summer Break draws to a close and with it comes the return of serialised television.

That fun-loving German, Karl Marx once said that religion was the opiate of the masses. He was wrong. Opium was the opiate of the masses. These days vast fields of poppies are harder to come by, so television has become the opiate of the masses. It dulls the pain of a sometimes harsh existence. I can only imagine what pain those poor little American children would experience if their favourite series where pulled from the air without any warning. In fact, if any large group of young people were suddenly deprived of the next episode of Greek or Gossip Girl there would certainly be dire consequences. But what would those consequences would be? As far as I can see there are two ways things could go. Instead of just telling you what they are I’m going to stretch your already wafer-thin patience and illustrate them through a complicated metaphor about (what else?) the difference between English and Afrikaans!

Last week, as I prepared to write a test for which I had spent my supposed ‘holiday’ studying, I made a linguistic discovery that shook the core of my understanding of Afrikaans culture. It was big. Almost as big as that time I realised that there is no Afrikaans word for ‘cousin’.  Here it is: When facing a challenging situation English well-wishers will say “Good Luck”, while those of the Afrikaans persuasion will say “Sterkte”. I can tell you’re all as blown away by that insight as I was. Let’s take a deeper look.

The English view is typically fatalistic: It’s all about luck. Nothing you do will make a difference, everything is just random chance; we’re all being bounced about in the pinball machine of life; you might as well put on a pair of skinny jeans and guy-liner, grow your fringe really long and mope about your parent’s house. Looking at the state of the world these days it is hard to deny that the truth in this proposition. For twenty-eight years it didn’t matter who you voted for in Zimbabwe, the result was always the same.  Even in America, the promised land of choice and democracy, your vote is merely a fa c ade. Americans have effectively been robbed of choice.  Vote for McCain and within a year or two this grizzled septuagenarian will shuffle off his mortal coil and you’re left with hockey-mom, Sarah Palin who no-one voted for. Vote Obama and I’ll be surprised if an intellectually elitist young man of Nigerian descent makes it through 2008 without being retired by the shadowy cabal of old-white-male conservatives who really run things over there. That would put Joe Biden in the White House and no-one even likes him. Closer to home: neither rain not sleet nor sinister Arms deals seem able to put a stop to the rise to power of our dear Uncle Zuma, friend of the ordinary folk. The Afrikaans view, however, is typically defiant: This is a world philosophy that believes that if you’re strong enough, you should be able to change the world by sheer force of will. This is the type of world view that opposes dictators, that climbs mountains, that sends food back in restaurants if it’s not to its liking. This is a world view that says: “What you do matters!” Cultures with this philosophy of life will not sit by and let tragedy overwhelm them.

It seems clear to me that in times of trouble, we Mighty Maties would follow the second philosophy. If we were to be deprived of our precious series, we would rise from our apathetic slumber to face that fearsome challenge and not merely sit back and accept our fate. Engineers would engineer, Innovators would innovate and Intellectuals would intellect and we would rise like a phoenix to a glorious new day! If that day ever came the challenge would be met head on and we would be victorious! Hypothetically speaking, of course.