The 22nd year of being Ryan Hartley, documented.

As a side project to the other things I do, I write an opinion column (Carbon Copy) for my campus newspaper. Its pretty contextual (ie, you won’t get it) but I’m filling up the blog space if you do happent to be in Stellenbosch you might appreciate this:

It’s finally time to wipe the sleep from your bleary eyes, to look out across the world and brace yourself for another year filled with the joy of learning. It’s time for returning students to shrug off the ingrained habits of our holidays and start waking up before lunch time. It’s time for first year students to recover from their orientation and finally start sleeping until lunch. It’s time for 2008. 

And what a great year 2008 promises to be. On a personal note, the future looks so full of promise for an aspiring columnist. The rise to power of a certain politician of questionable character has meant that a lot of prominent columnists have been left regretting that their quips and comments are a matter of public record. I foresee a huge (and possibly enforced) exodus of the aforementioned prominent columnists in the near future, leaving a sizeable gap open for a columnist willing to keep this mouth shut about certain sensitive issues pertaining to showers and tow the party line. Over and above the removal of a vast majority of our country’s humorists, the multitudinous problems of Eskom mean that television may no longer be a viable entertainment option. Reading faintly humorous columns by candlelight looks set to become the national pastime. This is, of course, fantastic news for journalists, candle makers and the producers of fire-proof newspapers.

I’m not the only one who is filled with joy at the beginning of the year. Here in Stellenbosch, the excitement is almost palpable. The nation’s joyous youth, gathered together from the four corners of our country[1]. Amongst them are those doe-eyed, fresh-faced, young innocents, the First Years. Each of them is ready to take a step into the future, to embrace their destiny and follow in the footsteps of those who have stepped and embraced before them.  As they arrived you could almost hear Elton John singing Circle of Life. At least you might have been able to if it wasn’t for the overwhelming sound of First Years practising for Vensters. If you happen to be living in res you’ll have heard the same song approximately two thousand times in the past week, which is nearly as many times as it was played on 5fm during the same time period. This was the first year in which I could partake in the pleasures of Vensters and I must say that it was exactly what I expected: a mildly unsettling mix of pulsating lights, pounding music seemingly pointless dances, skankily-clad girls, topless guys, bad jokes and incoherent story lines all with a smattering of the Buddy Message[2]. At times watching Vensters made me feel as if I was on drugs or being subjected to some bizarre brain washing procedure. My heart bleeds for those First Year Girls who live close enough for their family to come and watch. I’m sure that it can’t be a pleasant experience gyrating in front of your parents as the type of nurse who is more likely to cause a heart attack than to help stop one. Never mind being involved in Metanoia’s “Orgy Scene”.  Watching that scene was one of the more awkward moments of my life and I wasn’t even the one between the sheets. Increasing my discomfort was the fact that I ended up watching it with a completely random old lady. It seems to be some sort of universal rule that old ladies will be present during any unexpected and inappropriate event. Whether you are unwillingly exposed to lingerie adverts in the movies or swimsuit ads on the television at home, someone’s Gran will just happen to be there to cast you a disapproving glance as if you had been the sole cause of the entire distasteful occurrence.

The presence of old ladies in inappropriate situations isn’t the only constant in the universe. Even though a new year has begun, the rhythms of Stellenbosch will not be disrupted: Engineers will still go into social hiding only venturing out for class and the occasional Neelsie Sokkie; BA’s will still be roundly heckled for studying something that has nothing to do with money; Accountants will still force themselves to study something immensely boring in the hope of one day earning ridiculous amounts of money; Law Students will continue not reading the cases. Each of us has a role to fill in the great Circle of Stellenbosch.

[Cue Elton John]