The 22nd year of being Ryan Hartley, documented.

The Blind Assassin by Margaret Atwood

MAYBE A SPOILER ALERT: It is not my intention to give away any of the important plot points in this novel and so I won’t, but at the heart of this book is a mystery and I’d feel pretty bad about giving unintentional clues, so judge for yourself if you want to continue.

I know I said I was staying away from novels with war in them, but I found The Blind Assassin in the good ol’ Town Library and had to take the opportunity before I ended up at University again. The B A is not really about war, although a story revolving around the lives of a prominent Canadian family spanning the entire 20^th century has to deal with the two most catastrophic events of that period, so there is quite a bit of war talk, people going to war, people staying behind and general war-liked unpleasantness. The book doesn’t really span the entire 20^th century. There is a lengthy catch-up of the Chase family history 1900-1916, then the story hits upon its major players, sisters, Laura and Iris. The majority of the book plays out in the gap between the wars as told by the elder sister alive in Port Ticonderoga, Canada, 1998. So, almost like the whole century.

If there’s one thing I enjoy in a novel, it is an invitation to solve a mystery. Smack out of the gate the Assassin plops a mystery in your lap. “Just Ten days after the war ended, my sister drove a car off the bridge.” That’s line one. This is not going to be a cheery novel. An invitation is extended the reader to solve this mystery.  At your disposal are three types of information: The memoirs of the Iris, newspaper clippings concerning the events of the lives of the sisters and chapters from the titular The Blind Assassin, a novel written by Laura Chase and supposedly providing details about her life. Not to give you an impression that this is some sort of cerebral exercise, some sort of literary Cluedo; the mystery unrolls in a pretty much normal manner, but throughout there is the knowledge of the death to come. Mmmm, that’s a great sentence. And so my little mind whirred and ticked all the while trying to figure out the puzzle of why Laura Chase seemingly committed suicide. Who is the mystery man in the novel? Why did Iris’ husband (apparently) kill himself a few years after Laura’s death? I was pretty chuffed with myself at unravelling the mystery about half way through the novel, so it came as something of a surprise when the book flat out told me that it wasn’t really impressed that I’d figured out something so blindingly obvious and that that was blatantly not all folks, so keep reading, you pompous pseudo-literate lemming. Or something of that nature. Anyway, there was more than one twist in the tail.

The book is great fun. The three different sections of the book are all complementary and entertaining (being a bit of a science fiction geek, I enjoyed the planet Zycron adventures a bit more than most), the characters are great and eccentric with some truly disturbing moments (“Why did you paint my face blue in this picture? ‘Cause you where asleep” trust me, its scarier when you read it) There’s a little bit of sex, but it’s nothing a little judicious paragraph skipping won’t protect you from. All in all, a good read and only one war orphan.

The Blind Assassin is ranked #65 on the Exclusive Books 101 Books to Read Before you Die.

Sad, but true, I went to see the Incredible Hulk all on my lonesome and was thus deprived of annoying a friend by highlighting the appearance of Spike Lee and the guy who played the original television series Hulk. Knowledge is no fun unless its inflicted on someone.

Deciding that the director Ang Lee’s first interpretation of the big green marvel monster was not good enough, they (being, the money hungry glory seeking box office hounds of Hollywood) set out to make another, bigger, greener version and make more money. Due to the endless propaganda of the Movie Production Machine, it has become the fashion to dump on the earlier incarnation of the Hulk and, fair enough, it made a loss at the box office, but plenty of great things in life are underappreciated. Like Spinach Muffins and Arrested Development. Anyway, I enjoyed the Hulk. It was ridiculously introspective and emotional, with lots of baleful staring and soul searching, but such is the way of the Hulk. The whole point is that he’s just a weedy little scientist who has this curse thrust upon him. He can’t control it. This is no sudden realisation of awesomeness, this is a demon lurking within in the most literal of ways. In the Marvelverse each group of heroes has particular slant:  X-men tends towards social commentary portraying the disaffection and separation of the youth (Gen-X’ers), Spiderman invokes the angst of adolescence and The Hulk deals with inner-anger and the savage brutality that resides within everyman. And it’s very much a man thing. Bruce Banner goes crazy beats up on his girlfriend when he gets angry. Hmm, reeks of symbolism to me. Ang Lee’s direction was a little something extra as well, all sliding comic book panels and close-ups (mmm, very comic-booky), but that deft touch was not well received by the Philistines of the media. That introspection and artsyness do not please the comic book droves is a truism and therein lies the problem. The tone of the Hulk is not as well suited to the Silver Screen. Any faithful interpretation (and Ang Lee was determined to produce a faithful interpretation) is bound to tend towards the moody and emotional.

Was the Original Hulk really that bad? I mean it can’t be that bad, it had Jennifer Connelly in it (A feature which led me to watch it slightly more than once). And although terming “Incredible” a restart of the series, the Director, Louis Leterrier leaves enough room for the film to be regarded as a sequel rather than a re-run. So while it pretends to completely new, it is actually just more of the same. The Origin of Hulk (that which formed the entirety of the first movie) is glossed over in under a minute which might leave you somewhat lost if you didn’t watch the first one (or at least read the comics). This exclusion also allows you, if you really want to, to ignore a couple of inconsistencies and pretend that everything fits together seamlessly and that you’re watching Hulk 2.

Actor wise, between Edward Norton and the original Eric Bana, ol Ed has to have a bit of an upper hand here.  I do love Mr Bana and his portrayal of the peace-loving, Greek-smashing,  war-master, Hektor in Troy, the movie which featured a totally unnecessary Brad Pitt Butt Shot, but Edward Norton is cut above (probably cause he has the opportunity to whip out a few comic lines). The actress front is a completely the opposite. I may be hugely biased in this because I’ve been in love with Jennifer Connelly for many years and there is little chance that a rock star’s former elf is going to make as much as an impact on my movie going experience as she of the ample eyebrows. In fact, I thought Liv Tyler was a little insipid, but that might just be me. Although, I doubt it, she does seem a fairly insipid type.

So, regardless of all the hype, The Incredible Hulk is not a Billion times better than the original, it’s about the same, but without Jennifer Connolley. It’s a competent Marvel Movie, but I’d rather watch the first one again (or A Beautiful Mind or Blood Diamond or any other Connelly movie).

Predictability is good in small doses; it protects the soul from too much disruption. It is a good feeling, opening up a copy of Die Matie knowing that you’re going to enjoy a few Campus Quotes, perhaps read this column if you’re English and you’ve got the time or the one above if you’re Afrikaans and then look at the pictures in the rest of the paper. It’s consistent and comforting. Too much predictability is not a good thing. Too much predictability is boring.

These days you can’t mention the year 2010 without someone indulging in what has so charmingly been labelled “Afro-Pessimism”: South Africa won’t have enough stadiums/electricity/points to see the second round or alternatively South Africa will have more than enough crime/ unethical kickbacks/prostitutes. With all this negativity about, I thought it might be a nice change to take a look at another country about to host a major sporting event: China and the Olympic Games.

As usual the Chinese are (metaphorically) head and shoulders above the rest when it comes to mobilising a nation. The Beijing Olympic Commission has issued The Olympic Taxi Handbook; a 312 page compendium on communicating with the rest of the world. This handy little novella not only contains useful English phrases such as “Take me to the People’s Hospital, I have a javelin in my back” or “Explain to me the benefits of Communism”, while it presumably does not contain phrases such as “Tell me a little bit more about Tiananmen” or “Why don’t you just leave Tibet alone?” In addition, the Handbook contains tips on how to deal with the quirks of other nationalities (Shake a Frenchman’s hand softly and lightly; Don’t rub a Taiwanese baby’s head) and useful tips like “How to Escape from a Burning Cap (Break the window with your belt buckle). In addition to this marvellous guide to hospitality the Commission has employed Li Yang to teach it’s volunteers how to speak English. Mr Li is something of a celebrity in China; thousands flock to his English Rallies, some selling their blood to be able to afford a ticket. This is not your ordinary English teacher. Li encourages learning through shouting. “Shouting is the way to unleash your international muscles” says Mr Li. While I’m pretty sure the Taxi Handbook might have something to say about shouting at international visitors, Mr Li remains a national hero to many.  His memoirs were originally entitled “I am Psychotic I Succeed” until someone pointed out that this was slightly disturbing and unlikely to lead to the aforementioned success.  Nevertheless, Li Yang has succeeded, so much so that he is now spear-heading the movement towards a more English-enabled China.

While the idea of two billion psychotically successful, English-phrase-shouting Chinese is a little disconcerting, I quite like the idea of the most populous nation in the world learning to speak English. This is because deep inside the heart of every English-speaker is a tiny English voice that says “Hey, I speak the most widely spoken language in the world. Why can’t everyone else just get on board?” While this may be incredibly politically-incorrect it is a thought that has occupied the minds of English-speakers for hundreds of years:  After hacking through a Congolese jungle, English explorers would still insist on speaking English to the bemused Congolese people they found there, berating them on their failure to have developed the capacity to produce a decent cup of tea. An English-speaker’s only concession to the multitudinous languages of the world is to speak more slowly when confronted with a foreign tongue as if the tendency to speak another language was merely the sign of an inferior mind. To the English it was quite apparent that everyone else was just not pulling their weight and if they just tried a bit harder they could jolly well figure out how to communicate like the rest of the world (i.e. Us English fellows).  

In today’s enlightened times, we’re not supposed to think like this and nor should we. Multiculturalism is the way forward and there are many tangible benefits to speaking more than one language. Those who are multilingual are less likely to suffer from Alzheimer’s and more likely to understand what goes on in a Stellenbosch Accounting Lecture. Even so, there is a tiny, terrible part of me that just wants to say: I’m English: Get on board, it’s a world language.

Spring is here.  At least it is while I write this.  The Cape’s reluctance to let go of winter means that it might be back to “overcast with frozen showers” by the time you pick up your Matie. Nevertheless, the birds are currently singing, the flowers blooming and even the recycling bins are becoming more colourful.  Warm sunshine caresses the skin of students who should really be learning for Brek-Week, but instead are getting ready to put the phrase ignorance is bliss to the test.  However, this is not the problem that it once was; these days we’re all experienced at acting out of ignorance.

It seems that while the amount of knowledge in the world has increased, this hasn’t been translated into more intelligent people. Today, we applaud the ignorant by placing them in magazines, government positions and television programmes; a head full of facts, it seems, will only slow down the progression of a good conversation. 

When you are confronted with a social situation in which you are out of your depth, you have two options: 1) you can diligently research the subject, using the internet to pick up tips and other information, or 2) you can fake it.  The second option is the correct one.  It takes way too much time and energy to actually understand something and besides, those other guys don’t actually know what they’re talking about either.  Also we need to conserve bandwidth so that it’s easier to get onto Facebook.

Many people experience a degree of social anxiety when discussing a subject they know nothing about; afraid that their lack of understanding will see them dropped from their friendship circle like a wet towel on a res floor.  This fear is entirely unnecessary.  Arguing from ignorance happens all the time; in politics, the workplace, on the radio, you name it.  Faking it is just so much easier than it appears. 

The key, as with most things in life, is confidence.  People tend to believe those who believe in themselves.  Should someone question your opinions, just sniff contemptuously and say:”I refuse to follow conventional wisdom.”  This makes it seem like you’re an excitingly original thinker, when you’re really a stubbornly ignorant non-thinker.  Another great aid is jargon.  It is always worth your while to learn one or two phrases to inject into a heated debate.  This particular trick works well in the world of sport.  Put this new skill to the test during your next Rugby World Cup Match.  I find it particularly useful to yell out “Numbers at the break down!” during a match.  I have no idea what that means, but it seems to work.  Another usefully ambiguous term is “Decision Making!” Since you’re not specifying whether you’re happy or upset with the decision that was made, it is appropriate in all manner of situations.  With these helpful hints you will soon impress your boyfriend or affirm your manliness among your buddies.  If they happen to be watching a T20 Cricket Match you’re in the clear.  Nothing you say could be worse than anything said by female cricket commentators.

Despite the widespread use of this technique, there are those among us who have set out to halt the ever increasing tide of ignorance; noble individuals who aim to lift mankind out of the self-imposed stupor of afternoon talk-shows and YOU/Huisgenoot magazine articles and into the glorious upper echelons of true enlightenment.  Just recently a cruise liner, the Oceanic II, was converted into a floating university called The Scholar Ship, proving once again that people who think they have a sense of humour should not be allowed to name anything. Instead of casinos and dancing girls, the cruise liner will now contain lecture halls, seminar rooms and a library.  There will even be a University Wireless Network aboard the vessel, which means that piracy will finally return to the high seas where it belongs.  Soon students from all over the world will join the maiden voyage of this nautical wonder as it cruises the Seven Seas, bestowing knowledge from Panama City to Hong Kong.      The whole thing seems like a pretty good idea to me; if the entire university can move with the seasons, I’ll never have to deal with a wet winter again.

Everyone needs compassion, a love that’s never failing

Let mercy fall on me

Everyone needs forgiveness, the kindness of a saviour

The Hope of nations

 

Saviour, He can move the mountains

My God is Mighty To Save

My God is Mighty To Save

Forever, Author of Salvation

He rose and conquered the grave

Jesus conquered the grave

 

So take me as you find me, all my fears and failings

Fill my life again

I give my life to follow everything I believe in

Now I surrender

 

Shine your light and let the whole world see

We’re singing for the glory of the risen king

 

Mighty to Save 2006 Ben Fielding, Reuben Morgan / Hillsong Publishing

 

Singing in Church this past Sunday just brought to mind how thankful I am that God saved me when he did. Looking at people similar to me, those who have the same interests, the same tendency to introspection (that’s a euphemism for depression), the same arrogant intellectualism and I see how many of them have turned away from God and are relying on their own strength. Of late I’ve felt what my life would be like without God; gaping hole and purposelessness. Praise to God who saved me not only by his Son on the cross, but also by calling me to Him when I was young.

 

Stargate SG-1, Season 1, Liverpool 0

Following on from the hit movie of (basically) the same name, Stargate SG-1 is the story of a group of US Air Force Officers whose mission it is to visit alien worlds through a giant portal dug up in Egypt, the titular Stargate. The movie was your usual summer blockbuster fare starring Kurt Russell (Snake!) and James Spader (Alan!). It followed a competent storyline, not bothering to stray into anything overly innovative. There were aliens (who you only see once or twice because they reside within a human host, which probably saves a lot of money in the prosthetic nose and ear department), there were serious military guys, there was a nerdy scientist, a native love interest, a big nuclear bomb with a big, red countdown timer and there was the giant wormhole making ring that is the Stargate (which, to be honest, is pretty cool). Anyway, a good movie, a lot of fun, but hardly groundbreaking stuff.

And then came the series. The big budget stars are out, but the basic premise and that intergalactic hula-hoop remain.   Only this team we find out that the Stargate can travel to more than just one world; instead of just Ancient Egypt World, we can now experience Ancient Greek World or Ancient Minoan World or even Ancient Mongolian World. Halfway across the galaxy and all we have get are human cultures who haven’t taken too much of an interest in technological advancement. To make it easier for everyone to follow the action, the military team of the movie is replaced with a four man team. The scientist (okay anthropologist) is still there with the same glasses, but a different face as is Colonel Jack O’Neill no longer played by Kurt, but instead allowing the glorious return to fame for Richard Dean Anderson. That’s right, MacGyver is back in action. RDA’s O’Neill is a different animal from Mr Russell’s; instead of a hard-smoking, straight-talking, career military man we have a non-smoking, smart-mouthing, career military man. The change is a good one. RDA’s interpretation is one of the most enjoyable aspects of the Stargate series, bringing both levity and likeability. Not that I didn’t like Kurt Russell’s movie version, but the Silver Screen and the Small Screen often require different touches to keep the audience involved. One of the little sparks of genius in the first Stargate incarnation was the heartbreaking little backstory of the Colonel’s son who shoots himself with O’Neill’s handgun. This tragedy gives him the requisite suicidal tendency to lead a one-way mission to an alien planet with a nuclear bomb in tow. The series O’Neill continues to deal with the loss of his son and his wife (who leaves him) in the process delivering some truly touching moments.   

“After a while she forgave me, but she could never forget. I’m the opposite. I’ll never forgive myself, but sometimes…sometimes I’ll forget”

The main cast is rounded out with inclusion of astrophysicist/obligatory girl one Captain Samantha (Sam) Carter and alien-enforcer turned good-guy Teal’c

Season One is pretty match standard Sci-Fi fare with the majority of episodes degenerating into the formula 1) Travel through Stargate 2) Find Ancient Earth Culture 3) Face some problem 4) Resolve said problem and 5) Go home. Moderately entertaining and hardly innovative Season One has very little to commend it above any other Sci-Fi show, except that it has McGyver. Things, however, were set to change. After more than 10 years Stargate SG-1 has become the longest running Sci-Fi series of all time, spawning a spin-off and two made for TV movies. A phenomenon in a world which seemed to grow increasingly more obsessed with reality (think CSI and any number of reality-TV shows) Stargate managed to maintain and reward a loyal audience. Season 1 was the start of a very long journey through the Stargate.

 

 

Worst Episodes

Politics is a season recap featuring more “hey, remember this footage” than anyone should be expected to sit through. I’ll do you a favour: in the end, the government decides the Stargate Project is too big an expenditure and shuts it down. There, now you don’t have to watch it. There should be a law against these types of fluff episodes.

Emancipation is also a pretty terrible episode. Carter is captured by a Mongolian prince to trade for a girl he loves. In the end the SG-1 team bring the joys of equal rights to the Outer Mongolians. Hurrah for them, yawns for us.

Best Episodes

Solitudes in which Carter and O’Neill are stranded on an ice planet after the Stargate malfunctions. A clever idea which opens up a lot of possibilities and explains away a few things as well.

There but for the Grace of God. The Apothis –arc kicks into high-gear as Dr Jackson takes a trip to an alternate dimension in which the aliens are laying waste to Earth. Firefights! Floating pyramids! General O’Neill!

Feel free to post your favourite Season One moments.

Early in 2007 Exclusive Books published a list of 101 Books to Read Before You Die. The list was compiled by the votes of ordinary book readers and therefore subject to the usual failing of Democracy: that the votes of people with no taste count the same as the more discerning individuals among us. As such, I’m sure that a number of novels benefitted from being more recently published and certainly some owed their position more to populism and controversy than literary merit. What we have then is a list of 101 books that a majority have found worthy of recommendation, which in itself is nothing to sneeze at. Being from a literary-minded family (my sister and I were often told to stop reading at the dinner table and for heaven’s sake go get some fresh air) the kin and I set out to read these novels. On the whole, this has been a beneficial endeavour. I have discovered authors and works that have grown my love of reading and the joy of books. I will attempt to write a little something (in no particular order) of my experiences of and with these books.

Little Women by Louisa M. Alcott

In Germany 1864, Max Weber was born.  He would later be educated at the University of Heidelburg in law, economics and economic history. These interests would lead him to the new field of Sociology. His first subjects, Ancient Agriculture and Medieval Trade developed into an interest in how religious convictions shaped economic behaviour. This inquiry was to lead to his magnum opus, The Protestant Ethic and the Spirit of Capitalism. Here, Max argued that the industrial explosions of the 16^th Century were due to Calvinist thought; that a man must work hard to live up to the salvation given him by God, that idle hands do the Devil’s work and that frugal living is the duty of every Christian. Later on, Miss M. Alcott decided to take the same idea, simplify it a little and teach it to little girls everywhere.

The novel in question deals with the lives of Jo, Mary-Anne, Beth and the little stuck-up one whose name I can’t remember, but which might begin with an A. Since Jo is the only character of real import, I’m just going to call the rest Flopsy, Mopsy and Cottentail. Jo, Flopsy, Mopsy and Cottentail are all young girls in America in the 1800’s. Papa is off to war (um, the Crimean maybe?) and Mama is left to care for the young girls. Flopsy, the eldest, is very pretty and will have to deal with falling in love and what it means to run a household; Jo is the tom-boy one and it is her friendship with the rich boy next door which forms the crux of the novel; Mopsy is the good little girl who only wants to stay at home and do some knitting or other womanly work; Little Cottentail is the youngest and is wont to use large words often getting malapropisms all down her shirt. Through each chapter they learn that if they just work hard to be humble, diligent, hard working, godly women then everyone will love them and they will find happiness with a kind and loving man.

To a 22-year-old male, Little Women reads like a Protestant polemic. Every chapter seems to end with a call to piety and a diligent life. There’s even an encounter with a French Catholic maid; her strange ways contrasted with the humility of the girls’. This is not to say that I won’t read this to my little girls when I have some. These are all things I believe in. Yes, even the ones that might be branded slightly ‘sexist’ in this day and age. It’s just that I’m a little too old and cynical to late a one-sided view get away with it. After much thought though, I reached a different conclusion from my initial mild distaste. This is a book for 12-year-old girls and there should be room enough in this great big world of ours for books that simply present a way of living with no apologies or explanations as to its position in a society of relativists and 22-year-old cynics. Its sweet, it’s naive and that’s okay with me. 

Little Women is ranked #60 on the Exclusive Books 101 Books to Read Before You Die 

After reading the Book Thief by Marcus Zusak I have reached a decision. I will not be reading any more books set in World War II for a long time. Light-hearted fun is usually not on offer in these books. Nor are care-free lives or rollicking action adventures. Instead, what you get is sadness, turmoil, war and Jews. There are always Jews. The Book Thief is, despite all these heavy topics, a good book. At times funny, often heart-breaking the story of little Liesel Meminger is one that will probably touch your heart and definitely stay with long after you’ve read it.

The story, narrated by Death (we’ll get back to that in a moment) follows the aforementioned little German girl as she is dropped off at her Foster parent’s home in Tiny Town, Germany. There she meets her new family, the loving ‘Papa’ and foul-mouthed yet caring ‘Mama’. Okay, you’ve probably heard that set-up before, but as you’re reading it doesn’t really bother you, because it’s well written. The father-daughter relationship is one of the sweetest you’ll read and there are numerous other characters of German Land are all endearing and/or humorous. And then comes 1939. There’s a lot of sadness which only escalates when Max the Jew shows up. Through it all Liesel discovers life through her friendship with ill-fated German boy, Rudy, the ever-loving Papa and the pages of her novels, many of which are stolen. I’ve always had a soft spot for novels where the hero/heroine discovers the joy and meaning of life through words (see Fugitive Pieces by Anne Michaels, one of my favourite novels) and The Book-Thief does it competently, pulling the heart-strings at the right moments, gifting you with moments of humour when things get a little too dark and leading you to become emotionally invested in the characters.

There are little niggles. Using Death as a narrator may have sounded like a good idea in writing class, but there is little reason to have the Grim Reaper telling the story. His occasional insertions into the story line could easily enough be accommodated by an ordinary narration and the truth is, Death as a character is just not that compelling. He’s sad when little kids die, war is a busy time: these snippets of arcane law are the type of things you can expect from Mr Zusak’s Death. Maybe I’ve just been spoiled by the impeccable Mr Pratchett’s Death who actually has a personality and who I wouldn’t mind having a conversation over a cup of tea with and who SPEAKS LIKE THIS, which is infinitely cool. But it’s really only a small niggle. World War II attracts sad novels like a pretty girl attracts pimply teenage boys , but The Book Thief is one of the good ones. I just need to make sure I stay away from any novels set in WWII for a while.

(The Book Thief was one Exclusive Books’ Top Ten Most Popular Books of 2007)

After a journey of nearly a year, I have recently finished the first six seasons of the action-series, 24 (the seventh season arriving 2009). Through the aforementioned annum the 24 episodes where something of an institution: I may have taken fairly long sabbaticals from Mr Sutherland and the gang, but they were always there when I returned, ready and willing to provide more anti-terrorist action replete with ticking digital clock.  I don’t know if I would place them in my ‘best series ever” folder or shower them with medals of various sizes, but they where entertaining for a number of reasons. 

1)      Action

While I do not consider myself an adrenaline junkie or associated thrill seeker by any stretch of the imagination, I do prefer my television programmes to have a smattering of excitement. Not for me is the standard Teen Romance or Family Drama. Surely there is enough emotional drama in all our lives without us observing that of fictional characters. I reserve a great preference for a television show which provides a bit of the old escapism. Let there be spaceships, or mysteries or robots or piles of corpses or (as in the instant case) various terrorists, traitors and WMDs. 24 had those by the bucketful. Not an hour went past without Jack Bauer having to deal with a sleeper agent, a terrorist cell or a tactical nuke. Now that’s the sort of thing that’s fun to watch.

 

2)      Politics

Is there anything more attractive to the politically inclined than the American presidency? While I may never understand the Electoral College, the super-delegates and the hanging chad, it’s still great viewing. There’s nothing like watching the leader of the Free World making the hard calls while manoeuvring around those who would not see him serve out his term. Tasty stuff.

 

3)      The Concept

One Episode. One Hour. Real Time. Lots of split screens and beeping clocks. It was a truly original idea and (when it came out just after 9/11) was something that latched onto the American (and global) consciousness.

 

4)      Kiefer Sutherland/ Jack Bauer

It’s not often that the small screen manages to secure big name Hollywood types (see also Angels in America and Damages), but Mr Sutherland took to the role with much aplomb and must certainly be credited with a large portion of the shoe’s watchability. Jack Bauer has become an immediately recognisable entity of pop culture and an icon of manhood to boot. If you want something done, Jack can do it and do it within 24 hours. Jack Bauer has become a byword for competence, manliness and American power. The internet is filled with testaments to the CTU agents ability, with lines like “If everyone just listened to Jack Bauer the show would be called 2” and “Jack Bauer would escape the Lost island in 24 hours”.  Jack seems to fulfil the image of gung ho cut, through red tape, kind of efficacy that is associated with Republican Party. In an episode of 30 Rock, Jack Donaghy attends a Republican fundraiser with “John McCain and Jack Bauer” to which Liz Lemon comments “I don’t think he’s a real person”. Jack’s response? “O I assure you, John McCain is very real.”

 

What exactly is it about Jack Bauer that makes him an exemplar of the male spirit? For one, he’s ruthlessly efficient in dispatching of terrorist and various other threats, which is always pretty darn cool.  But there’s more than that. Jack Bauer is all about duty. He’s the guy who will do what needs to be done because he said he would do it. Jack Bauer puts the greater good ahead of his own needs. He’s willing to torture his girlfriend cause she might be a terrorist, he’s willing to shoot his boss because the terrorists demand it. Ok, so you’re probably not seeing these things as particularly noble, but the point is this: The world is not capable of being saved. Little bit of a cynical comment there; let’s rephrase. The world can be saved, but people end up hurt in the process. Can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs and all that.  What makes Jack Bauer such a man is that he takes that responsibility on himself.  It is a man’s duty to take the burdens of life so that his loved ones do not need to carry them. That is the coolness of Jack Bauer: When others are too weak to do what needs to be done, Jack Bauer will do that, no matter the cost to him.  That’s why Jack Bauer ranks as one of my Icons of Manliness.

So, one of my hobbies is improvisational theatre and I had to type out my groups game list. Never one to let hard typing go unused, I decided to dump it on the ‘ol blog. Here it goes…

Games

 

For all games the audience can provide locations, ideas or any other inputs

 

1. Sound Effects

Number of Players: 2

One Player is to the side with a mic. He provides all the sound effects for the scene. The other player responds/initiates the sounds. This game is usually played without dialogue and relies heavily on good old-fashioned physical humour.

Variations: 2 Members of the audience provide the sounds of the scene, one assigned to each player. Dialogue is required to justify the (oftentimes ludicrous) sounds

 

1. Party game

Number of Players: 4

One player is the host of a party. Each of the other players receives a strange identity or quirk. One by one the other three players enter the party and attempt to convey who they are. After interacting (at the most twice) with each character the host guesses who they are.

Tips: The identities and quirks can be famous people (the Queen, Stevie Wonder), types of people (a narcoleptic stripper) or a physical trait (your limbs are attached to the host’s).

The interaction should usually be between host and one guest, unless there is a good synergy between two guests.

 

1. Dating game 

Number of Players: 4

Conceptually the same as the party game, a bachelorette/bachelor asks a series of questions to 3 prospective partners each of whom has a strange quirk or identity. A slightly easier format as everyone is seated and the bachelor/ette has control over the questions asked.

 

1. Newscast

Number of players: 4

Once again the same sort of concept: Each player takes part in a newscast as Anchor, Co-Anchor, Sports and Weather. While the Anchor is the straight character, the other players each have a strange identity or quirk. There is no guessing in this form.

 

1. Translators  

Number of Players: 4

Two players perform a scene in a foreign language obtained from the audience. The two other players (each assigned to one of the onstage players) translate the scene into English.

Tips: One line at a time guys! Say your piece then wait for the translation.

 

1. Space Jump

Number of Players: 4

Each of the players receives a different location from the audience. The first player begins a one person scene in his location until the second player calls Freeze or something similar. The onstage player freezes and a second scene set in the second location begin (justify the frozen players’ positions!). The same happens for the third player (a three man scene) and the fourth (four-man) scene. The scenes are then resolved in a last in first out method: the fourth scene concludes, the fourth player shouts freeze and leaves and the third scene is re-visited (new positions justified!) and so on until all scenes are completed.

 

1. Gevoelwarboel (Emotional Whirlpool)

Number of Players: 3

A single (short) three-man scene is performed four times: once normally (is there such a thing?) and then three times in different emotions. Try to grab some novel emotions; love and anger has been done ad nauseum. What about suspicion, passive-aggression, absentmindedness, etc?

Variations: Through the Ages

Same thing, except this time get three different times in history (the Dark Ages, The Great Depression, The Age of Disco

 

1. Incredible invention

Number of Players: 3

Get a unique invention from the audience (A Back-Hairdryer, Tinted Contacts, Monopoly:Skydiving Edition). Two players are hosts on an interview program questioning player three on his new invention. He however, is unaware what the invention is and must declare what it is by the end of the interview.

Hints: Ask the audience to applaud if the “inventor” makes comments close to what the invention is.

Variations: Occupation Frustration

The audience provides an unusual occupation (Guy who makes the static noise on radio, Traffic light operator). A scene is then performed in which the occupation must be guessed by the player who takes the role of the individual with the strange job. (everyone else knows what the job is). The scene is usually the individual returning home to his family after a hard day aspirin-engraving (or whatever).

 

1. Murder mystery       

Number of Players: 4

An improv “broken telephone”. The audience provides an occupation, a location and an object (all unrelated). The first player is the only one to hear these. The second player is then called in. Speaking only gibberish the first player must then convey first the occupation, then the location and finally the object to the new player in three unrelated scenes. As soon as the new player knows what the occupation is (and sometimes even if you don’t) he claps his hands and the player begins explaining the location. When the player gets the object he dramatically kills his informer with it and the next player is brought on. Once the final player has committed murder each of the players declares what he thought the occupation, location and object were.

Hint: This is not charades! When conveying the elements the players should perform an ordinary scene in gibberish.

Variations: 10 Second Murder Mystery

Each element has a time limit of 10 seconds at the end of which the player MUST clap, turn and proceed

Murder Mystery with a member of the Audience

Let the 4th player come from the audience. Lots of fun.

  

1. Spoed sprokie

Number of players: as many as you need

The players perform a fairytale of the audiences choosing in 1 min, 30 sec, 15 sec and 7 and a half seconds

Hint:  A dramatic leap into the arms of the hero always makes for an amusing ending 

 

1. Sit, staan, wat ook al

Number of players: 3

A scene is performed in which at all times, one of the players must be standing, one of the players must be sitting and one of the players must be performing an action of the audience’s choice (skipping, leap-frogging, breakdancing)

 

1. Alphabet

Number of players: 2 to 3

A scene is performed in which each line must begin with the next letter of the alphabet. The audience chooses the starting letter.

Hint: It’s easier if a fixed order is maintained player 1, 2 then 3 then player 1 again, etc

       Keep your lines short and simple so each letter can be clearly heard.

Variations: Reverse Alphabet

 A scene is performed in which each line must begin with the preceding letter of the alphabet

 

1. Rhymes

Number of players: 2 or 4

A 2 person scene is performed entirely in rhyme: A system that works well is where each player provides two lines, the first rhyming with the preceding line, the second forming the first half of the next couplet. Should a player not rhyme he rotates with one of the players off-stage.

 

1. 2 line vocabulary 

Number of players: 3

One player is the “Free Character”, able to act as normal. The other two players each receive two different lines. They are only allowed to day those two lines.

Hint: The two lines are easily forgotten. Get the players to repeat their lines back to you.

The hardest part is choosing the two lines. Try to ensure that each player has one “up (excited/positive)” and one “down (sad/negative)” line.  

 

1. Super Heroes 

Number of players: 4

The audience provides a catastrophe and the name of an unlikely super hero (Delayed Reaction Man). The first player (usually in his lair) assesses the danger and calls for help. When the next player arrives, the first player names him (Captain Communism) and so on for the third (named by the second) and fourth (named by the third) who solves the crisis. They then depart in last in first out order.

Variations: Super Villains

The first 3 players are unlikely super villains, the last is a hero who thwarts their plans.

 

1. Slide show 

Number of players: 4

One player is an expert in a field of the audience’s choosing. He presents a “slideshow” in which the remaining players are the slides. The expert calls for the next slide, the lights go out and the players take up a still tableau (Mmm, tableau). The expert explains.

Variations: Two of the slide show members can be taken from the audience.

 

1. Who’s line

Number of players: 2

Preparation: Get the audience to write down lines before the show. Select the four best. Each player receives two lines. At a random point in the scene the lines are delivered.

 

1. Word count

Number of players: 3

Each player is given a number (preferably between 1 and 5). All of his lines must consist of that many words.

 

1. Oscar moment 

Number of players: 3

At any point in the scene the audience may shout out “Oscar Moment!” the scene must become worthy of an Oscar, really lather on the melodrama.

Variations: You can have this as an option throughout the show. In any game the audience can shout out Oscar Moment. It’s best to put a limiter of about three on this.

 

1. Infomercial

Number of players: 3

2 of the players present an infomercial for a strange product of the audiences choosing (Portable Instant Cake Maker ) the third player is a special guest. A number of strange items are provided and each of these must be justified by the presenters

 

1. Helping hands

Number of players: 3

One player provides the hands of the other. A number of messy items are around. The third player interviews this combo player preferably in a cookery style show.

  

1. Two Headed Interview

Number of players: 3

Two players are a single expert in a field chosen by the audience, they each speak one word at a time. They are interviewed by the third player.

 

1. First line last line

Number of players: 4

The players are split into two pairs. Each pair has a different location (or word) received from the audience. Two scenes occur with the action changing each time the MC calls for the action to change. The last line of the first scene is repeated as the first line of the next scene.

 

1. Human props

Number of players: 4

Two players perform a scene in which two other players take the form of various props (a hairdryer, a jack, etc)

 

1. Change the Offer

Number of players: 3

An ordinary scene, but whenever the MC says Change the Offer (or rings a bell) the last line of dialogue must be immediately substituted with a new line. Eg “I would never do such a thing!” Change the Offer “I only ever do that on Tuesday.”

Hint: Multiple change the offers on a single line are quite effective.

 

1. Scripts//actor’s nightmare

Number of players: 3

Two players are free characters; the third has a script and speaks entirely from the script.

Variations: One player is the free character; the other two have scripts which they must follow.

 

1. Blindfolded

Number of players: 3-4

An ordinary scene in which one of the players is blindfolded.

Variations: Why not spin the blindfolded player around? More fun.

 

1. Stage Directions (you need a script)

Number of players: 3-4

One player is off-stage, and occasionally reads out Stage Directions from a script.

 

1. Style Rollercoaster

Number of players: 3

The scene begins normally; the MC then calls out different film and theatre styles (obtained from the audience) (thriller, reality, Japanese game show)

 

1. Reverse Interview

Number of players: 2

An ordinary interview is conducted entirely in reverse: the answer is followed by the question, followed by the next answer.

                                                                       

1. Statues

 Number of players: 4

Two players perform a scene, but are unable to move in anyway. The other two players move the actors.

Variations: Two members of the audience are recruited to move the two players.

 

1. Inner Thoughts

Number of Players: 4

Two players perform a scene, the other two players are offstage and provide the thoughts of the acting players.

 

1. Sign Language Interpreter                                                  

Number of players: 3

Two players perform an interview, a third performs the Sign Language Interpretation.

 

1. Actor Switch

Number of players: 4

A two-person scene is begun. The MC calls actor switch and the scene is concluded with the next two players who take on the characters of the first two players and complete the scene.

Hints: This game works best where the characters have some sort of strange characteristics (a hunchback or a vicious hiccup)

 

1. Last Line

Number of players: 3

An ordinary scene which must end with the line provided by the audience or the MC

 

1. Death in a minute

Number of players: 3

A one minute scene in which there must occur a death.